Making the decision to end a relationship is not an easy one, and more so if it's a long-distance relationship with someone you've known for years. But there comes a time in every relationship when you have to ask yourself: do I give up or do I go on? If you've already given it everything you've got, maybe it's time to thrown in the towel and start a new chapter of your life.
Again, this is not an easy decision - and one that you shouldn't make as a whim or fancy. It should be a well-thought-out move that leaves you better off after the dust settles.
At this point, there are a thousand questions in your mind about how to broach the subject, what to do when he reacts negatively, what you're going to say, and how you're finally going to end it once and for all. Although we can't come anywhere near answering all those questions and assuaging the doubts, we can definitely give you a heads up on some of the mechanics of getting rid of a long-distance boyfriend.
Ending things clearly: Think about how you feel in this relationship. If you feel betrayed, let down, breach of trust, cheated, then it’s time to end your long-distance relationship. Don’t hesitate. It’s your decision. It’s your life. You have been exhausted and completely out of form, thinking of your boyfriend’s behavior. It’s not worth ruining your life by being in this relationship. Be wise and convey to your boyfriend about your decision to break up. Don’t wait too long. The earlier you convey your message the better.
Be direct: Be careful with your words. Once you have decided to get rid of your boyfriend, write down the points you want to convey. Fix a time when you both are free. Call him (either a phone call or a video call) and convey your decision to break up. Do not beat around the bush. Tell him why things are not working out and that you are not happy in this relationship anymore. Be clear and honest and say that you are uncomfortable in this relationship and that it would be better to part ways. Your boyfriend can deny what you are saying and even try to convince you to continue in this relationship. Be firm in your decision.
Try to avoid direct blame: Always remember that a manipulative boyfriend is difficult to convince or handle. They are the kind of people who think they are perfect, they do no wrong. Be wise and careful in handling or talking to your boyfriend. Don’t blame him directly, though you know that he is the reason for the breakup. It is not worth the trouble. Your boyfriend may not accept what you say. Don’t get into an argument that will lead to feelings of hopelessness. Don’t bring in any past arguments, or ill feelings. If your boyfriend is raising a lot of questions about your decision, firmly say that you feel that this relationship is not going anywhere / or working out anymore.
Cut contacts right away: You have conveyed your decision of breaking up with your long-distance boyfriend. He may want to talk to you, convince you to give him more time, one more chance, or may start blaming you for the breakup. To avoid all this trouble, the best way is to cut all contacts, block him totally including social media. This way you will be free and you will have time to heal yourself.
If you are not ready: You get into a long-distance relationship mutually. You both wanted the relationship to be strong, without any troubles. You both were young and your relationship seems to be a casual one. But as years pass by, your boyfriend wants to take the relationship ahead or is serious about it and you are not ready for it, please be honest and inform your boyfriend that, you are not ready and don’t want to enter into a serious relationship. You then have to decide and draw a line. It is better to let him know earlier than late. It is good for the two of you to break up.
Tell him to give you some space: Tell your boyfriend that you want some time for yourself and not call or text you despite you telling him. Not to ignore his calls and don’t reply to his texts. This will make him feel that you are not keen on this relationship and eventually break up with you.
Pull away from him gradually. In a long-distance relationship, you can only keep in touch through calls, texting, FaceTime, etc. You both were closely in touch with each other. Since you want to break up with him, keep away from his calls, texts, and even on social media. He will eventually think that you are not interested in this relationship.
Let him pull away from you: You may find your boyfriend giving excuses to call you, or doubting you, or not being faithful. If that’s happening to you, it might be a signal that it’s time to move on. Don’t react to his ignoring you; let it fizzle out on its own if you can. If he truly loves you, he’ll come back; if not, think about your own life and focus on the future, not the past.
Communicate what you are planning and why: Be clear and honest in what you are saying, and taking complete responsibility for your part in ending this relationship. Tell your boyfriend that being in this relationship is not giving you what you expect and you feel that you are drifting apart and losing interest in this relationship. Give your boyfriend notice and a lot of space to be upset and remove yourself immediately from any further conversations that are abusive and harmful. A better way to get rid of your boyfriend.
Return or let go of all the letters: Once you have decided to get rid of your boyfriend, you don’t want to be reminded or keep anything that brings memories of your relationship. It is good to return his letters or any gifts that were given to you. You will feel free once this is done.
Don’t rush into it or break up with him during a fight: In a long-distance relationship, there will be arguments, fights, and misunderstandings. If this continues every time you talk to each other, then it’s time you decide to break up, because this is not a healthy relationship which you are in. Convey your decision to your boyfriend, when you have a casual conversation and not when you both are in an argument.
Write him a letter: If you feel you convey your thoughts and feelings through a letter, then go ahead, write a letter to your long-distance boyfriend, conveying your decision to end this relationship. This will ensure that your boyfriend gets a clear picture before he tries to retaliate or respond. If you feel that your boyfriend is short-tempered and doesn’t give ear to what you say, then this is the best way to let him know of your decision directly. If he calls you after reading your letter, listen to him patiently, be firm, and don’t given in to his emotional blackmails or pleadings to continue this relationship.
Communicating decisively about breaking: When you are not happy in this long-distance relationship and have decided to end it, convey this message directly through a phone call or a video call. Be clear and firm in your decision. Don’t say things like “I feel like leaving this relationship” or “maybe we’ll give some time to our relationship”. Don’t offer any false hope. Your boyfriend will think that it is only a temporary breakup and eventually you’ll get back. Hence, be firm and clear and say you breaking up permanently. End the conversation, if it is not going anywhere. If your boyfriend doesn’t stop talking and gets emotional or doesn’t allow you to speak, you need to excuse yourself. Don’t allow him to abuse you.
You hate him but he won’t leave: Your boyfriend has been troubling and abusing you. You have decided to break up and have also conveyed the message to him, but he doesn’t seem to be taking it seriously and you still remain in the relationship. You have tried your best to keep him off, yet he keeps persistently bugging you. Ignore him completely.
Always be too busy for your boyfriend: You have decided to break up with your long-distance relationship but were not successful in doing it. One way to shut him off is to keep yourself too busy to even take his calls or his text messages. Even if you pick up his call, pretend you are not listening. Just tell him how busy you are and how you have planned your day, your time. Tell him how you enjoy being alone and to yourself.
Refuse to talk about the future: In a long-distance relationship, usually, the partners mutually agree on future plans and start working towards them. But your relationship has turned out differently. You hate your boyfriend and you are not interested in a future with him. Go ahead and tell him that. If you feel he is going to be hurtful, abusive, or argumentative after he hears about your decision to break up, the best way is to refuse to talk about the future. Whenever he talks about your future, cut him off by saying, you do not want to talk about it. Keep talking only about you, your career, your vacation which you have planned, and your plans for your future. Never say “we”. This will surely make him think twice about being in this relationship.
Always talk about your lives separately: One way to get rid of your long-distance boyfriend is to always talk about your life separately. Don’t involve your boyfriend in the conversation. Let him get the feeling and the message that you are ignoring him and you are not keen on continuing in this relationship. Focus on your hobbies and friends and talk about them to your boyfriend. Do not ask him about his life, family, career, etc. Do not bring in topics relevant to you both as a couple.
Be as distant as possible from your boyfriend: Don’t make yourself easily available to your boyfriend. Avoid his call and texts as much as possible. If you must attend the calls, keep it short and don’t show any emotions when he is talking to you. Tell him you are busy and you are not in a position to talk to him. He should understand that this is one of the signs that you are not interested and will break up your relationship.
Point out everything you hate about your boyfriend: Whenever you talk to your boyfriend and he starts bothering you, or hurling abuses at you, criticize him for his actions, for his words, his thoughts, and the way he has treated you, his bullying. Tell him how you feel about it and how these things have impacted your health, your career, and your life, and say you don’t bother and value this relationship anymore. Be rude to him and blame him for everything that went wrong in your relationship and your life. By your continuous allegations, he will decide to be away from you.
Tell him anything that might make him hate you: Getting rid of your boyfriend in a long-distance relationship is not difficult as compared to a closer relationship. The advantage here is, that you call off the relationship over a simple call, or a video call, through a text message and even through a letter. The best part is you don’t have to confront him face to face. Once you break up, you will not be seeing or bumping into each other. You can tell him how much you hate the way he speaks or he doesn’t know how to speak clearly. Tell him how you dislike his siblings and his friends. Tell him how you enjoy being with your friends and their families and how your friends hate him. All this could be a lie. But it doesn’t matter to you, as long as this makes him hate you and decide to break up the relationship. Then you have succeeded in getting rid of your annoying boyfriend.
Remind him constantly that you are not happy: Sometimes being in a long-distance relationship becomes too boring. The spark in your relationship is absent. It’s mainly because of the distance. You have decided to break up the relationship. Convey this to your boyfriend. Tell him you are unhappy in this relationship and that you do not love him anymore and how much you hate him for the situation or relationship you are in. Tell him he is wasting your time in continuing in this relationship.
Make a scene about everything: When you are hurt and feel abused in your long-distance relationship and your boyfriend doesn’t seem to understand your feelings and your emotions, you are mad, fuming with anger, wanting the relationship to end immediately. One way to get rid of him is to constantly pick fights with him whenever he calls. Make him feel guilty and accountable for all that he has said and done and for your current situation. Tell him / remind him of your faithfulness, your patience, and how supportive you have been in this relationship. Tell him that you will inform his friends and parents about his unruly behavior. This will be too frustrating and embarrassing t him. He will want to end this relationship quickly.
Tell him it’s over and then do not respond: When your long-distance boyfriend doesn’t seem to understand that you want to break away from him, and from this toxic relationship, even after conveying the message to him, call him or video call him and tell him it’s over between you both and you do not want to have anything to do with him in future. If he tries to contact you again, block his number and all his contacts on social media. Inform his friends too that it’s over between the two of you and tell them not to bother you anymore. Tell them that they should respect your decision and you have every right to make that decision.
Start dating someone else: In spite of your clear message to your long-distance boyfriend that you are not keen on continuing this relationship, he still tries to contact you, tell him you have found someone, who is more loving and caring and that you love your new boyfriend. He will try to mess things up. Just cut the call and move on with your new relationship.
Telling a friend or a relative: When you are in an abusive relationship, especially a long-distance one, and it’s difficult to handle your boyfriend, it is always better to tell your friend or a relative who is trustworthy and with whom you can freely confide in. They can step in and talk to your boyfriend and tell him that you have decided to break up your relationship. He will be careful in troubling you again because he knows that you have your people to support you.
Don’t drag it out: When you are in an abusive relationship, it is always better to break the relationship. Don’t delay in conveying your decision of breaking up with your boyfriend. Please remember, the more you delay, the longer you will be in an abusive relationship. Don’t prolong it any further. Don’t wait for the right time or day, go ahead and convey your message of breaking up.
Keep lying and getting caught: One of the ways to get rid of your boyfriend is to keep lying and getting caught. When you start hating your long-distance boyfriend, you don’t want to talk to him or associate with him. Tell him lies regularly in such a way that you get caught. For example, tell him that you have an important meeting to attend in your office and later post a picture of you and your friends at a restaurant or a movie. Your boyfriend will see it and find out that you have lied to him and something is wrong with you. He will confront you and say that you were lying. If you continue to lie, the more he will be inclined to leave you.
Do not give in to arguments or protests: Your decision to break up with your long-distance boyfriend will come as a surprise to him. He might try to argue, blame you, and give reasons why you should remain together. He may plead with you to give him a second chance. Stand firm on your decision and don’t give in to any of his pleadings. Tell him once the trust is broken, it cannot be restored. Blame him for cheating you and falsely accusing you to cover up his mistakes. Tell him that it is over and ask him to move on and not bother you anymore.
Avoid confrontation: Breaking up can get heated with arguments, accusations, and hurting each other. What starts as a cool conversation, starts to escalate into a screaming and yelling session. This gets worse when your long-distance boyfriend visits you after getting your message of you breaking up with him. What started as a peaceful conversation, ended up with severe arguments, especially in the form of your boyfriend accusing you, blaming you, and screaming at you at the top of his voice. In this situation, just leave the room immediately. Anyway, you are ending your relationship and it does not matter if you have hurt his feelings by doing that. Don’t waste your time and energy arguing with each other.
Give up on your relationship: Ultimately, you only will know when to give up on this long-distance relationship with your boyfriend, because of the trauma this has caused you. IF you decide to break up, you will stop talking to your boyfriend or you will not be interested in attending his calls. Don’t comment or go to any of his social media pages. You need to give up completely thinking about your boyfriend. Keep yourself busy with things that make you happy.
You no longer feel essential to each other: Initially, your relationship kick-started with complete excitement from the both of you, But as days, months and years went by, you started to feel that the love and excitement in your relationship are fading away. This is more so in a long-distance relationship, where you don’t get to meet each other. Your duration and frequency of calls to each other start to decline - including your text messages, too. Sometimes, you don’t know what to speak or have words to speak. When your relationship has come to that point, then it’s time for you to think about ending your relationship. You don’t have to pretend that everything is fine in your relationship with your boyfriend. Act immediately. Don’t stay in a stagnant relationship. Share your reasons for breaking up with your boyfriend and end this relationship.
You don’t care about what happens: Once you lose interest in your relationship, you don’t care about your boyfriend anymore. You don’t feel like talking or texting him. There’s so much indifference between the two of you, that there are always arguments when you speak to each other. When you feel that your boyfriend no longer cares or loves you, or doesn’t care about your wellbeing and just wants to continue this relationship, then it’s time to say goodbye and get rid of him immediately. Be honest and tell him how you feel about his indifference. You don’t have to feel hurt or guilty because you are calling off your relationship. Don’t care about what happens. Once you do that, you will feel more relaxed and happy.
Prepare for the reaction: You are not happy in your long-distance relationship and you convey it to your boyfriend and decide to break up. Remember that is not the end. Be prepared for his outbursts of anger, frustration, sadness, and pleadings to do anything to get your sympathy. You don’t have to feel any responsibility to control those feelings. Stick to your decision to get rid of him, no matter what happens.
Don’t decide on your friendship: Most couples, when they are heading towards a breakup, they try to tell each other that they will part as friends. But the reality is that you are still hooked on to your boyfriend and it will make it impossible for you to feel like your relationship has ended. Don’t end up doing that and get rid of your boyfriend at the earliest. Cut ties with him completely. Give yourself time after the breakup.
Remind yourself of your reasons for ending things when you miss him:
When you still love your boyfriend and you have taken a tough decision to break up with him, it’s hurting. But you have to end this relationship because you have gone through a traumatic time been treated badly, not respected as an individual. Remember all the reasons that you have listed for ending your long-distance relationship with your boyfriend. He was not worth being remembered for. Convince yourself that you did the right thing in getting rid of your boyfriend.
Be ready to not have them in your life: Breaking from a long-distance relationship is hard, but not difficult. When you are in love with your boyfriend and are emotionally attached to him, the breakup is going to be difficult. It is going to drain you out completely. But you don’t have a choice. You need to come out of this relationship for whatever reasons best known to you. Love is messy, and breakup even messier. It is a tough decision for you because you gave your best to keep the relationship going and your boyfriend knows that very well. The best thing to do is to call your boyfriend and convey your message of breaking up, giving him the reasons for doing it. Soon after that, cut off his contacts and even that of his friends and family members with whom you have been in touch. Destroy or return any of the things that you possess that remind you of your boyfriend.
Having a support system: What started as a romantic long-distance relationship has now become a relationship of hatred, cheated and fear. When you fear your boyfriend and feel insecure and vulnerable in your relationship, it’s better to have a support system, like a group of friends who are close to you or a family member whom you can trust, who can be of support to you during this time. Tell them of your decision of breaking up with your boyfriend and the reasons for doing it and you fear the outcome. You fear your boyfriend’s outburst or what he is going to say or do. With the support and help of your friends or family member, talk to your boyfriend and break up at the earliest. Convey to him that your decision is final and there is nothing more to talk about it and do away with your fear.
Accept that there’s no easy way to break up: Breaking up with your long-distance boyfriend is not easy, though you are miles apart. It is painful, hurting, especially when you have been rejected in your relationship. It hurts when you have to let go of the relationship. The truth is, there isn’t much you can do to ease your pain. You have to acknowledge this fact and be honest and convey your decision to break up. It is one of the difficult things for you to do.
Let your boyfriend share his thoughts and feelings: When you have decided to end your relationship, which involves anger, remorse, bitterness, give your boyfriend time to share his thoughts and feelings. Understand things from his point of view. Calm down. Talk it out. Your conversation will soon mellow down and both of you can discuss and decide on your breakup amicably. It’s easier for you both to go your ways without any hurt or guilty feelings. You both will be happy and at peace that your relationship has ended pleasantly.
Execute the painful task: Breakups are painful, disappointing, devastating especially when you are romantically involved with your boyfriend for several years. You both had planned so many things together for your future. Gradually your relationship has turned toxic, meaningless, and painful. You follow what your heart says, decide to leave this bad relationship. You will feel good about your decision to leave the person you love. Your choice will be a shock, a disappointment. You have assessed your decision well, don’t hesitate. After you leave your boyfriend, maintain good boundaries with each other minus the contact.
When someone you love is toxic: There is nothing more harmful and dangerous than being in a toxic relationship. You never expected that you will end up in a relationship with a toxic boyfriend. Your boyfriend may manipulate things against you, causing heated arguments, and use it as an excuse to hurt you or stay away from you, from your calls. You can’t change your boyfriend’s behavior. The best thing to do is to let him go, break up from this relationship. Toxic people believe that they are always right, truthful. They will belittle you and control you. You don’t want to be in this kind of relationship. It will slowly kill your confidence, your peace and will suffocate you. Walk away from this relationship completely.
Never engage in the blame game: When you are going to break up with your long-distance boyfriend, who does nothing, wrong, you will feel guilty. Don’t find a reason to blame your boyfriend for ending your relationship and vice versa. It is natural for your boyfriend to experience anger because he is at the receiving end and never thought that this would be coming from you. Tell him that you don’t feel like being in this relationship and want to end it and you are moving ahead.
Do not apologize. Do not say sorry: When things are not going well in your long-distance relationship, you don’t feel like continuing in this relationship, Call your boyfriend and tell him how you feel in this relationship and that you are not keen on continuing and want to this. Your boyfriend also must be having the same feelings. Go ahead and break the relationship without apologizing.
Have good intentions during the break-up with your boyfriend: If you want to end your long-distance relationship with your boyfriend gracefully, let your intentions be good. Do not be rude. Be honest and share your reasons for the breakup. Be kind and respectful to your boyfriend. Don’t blame him for breaking the relationship. Tell him how good and loving he was in this relationship and that you are not ready to continue because you need to put in a lot of effort to keep the relationship going. Help him understand your emotions and the reason why you feel this way and you already have made up your mind. Tell him that you need to concentrate on your higher education and your career at the moment and likewise your boyfriend also should concentrate on his career. It will be difficult for him to agree, but will eventually give in because you have been so considerate about his wellbeing and also the way you put things across to him in a gentle, kind, and loving way.
Think of an exit plan: When you have decided and want to break up with your long-distance boyfriend, think about how you can communicate in a personal way with your boyfriend. Video call him or FaceTime him since you both are oceans apart and in different time zones. Find the right time and day when you both are free to talk. Talk it out with your boyfriend. Tell him that the best thing to do is to part ways. Don’t argue, or accuse your boyfriend. Give him the time to talk. Be patient but firm, and don’t break down. It is a bit easier to break up a long-distance relationship because you are not going to bump into each other or you are not going to meet him. End your relationship amicably.
Plan your break up: Always have plans on how to talk to your boyfriend and how to convey your decision of breaking up with him. It is going to be difficult to make the decision to break up, especially when you still love your boyfriend. It is impossible for you to continue any longer. Plan on how you’ll start the conversation and convey your decision on breaking up. It is going to be challenging. You don’t know how your boyfriend will react to this, however gentle you may be or your intentions are clear. Rejection always hurts be it from you or your boyfriend. Stay calm and don’t stress yourself. Your boyfriend will be hurt by your decision. Give him sufficient time, to come to terms with your decision. Prepare yourself on how to react to his feelings.
When you aren’t on the same page: Most long-distance relationships flourish if both the partners have similar thinking, similar views. In a long-distance relationship, you don’t get to meet each other and the only way of communication is to call, text, or FaceTime each other. Sometimes you don’t get enough time to express your feelings to each other. There are so many unsaid things which you wanted to convey. You end up with a feeling, that something is lacking in the relationship. Differences crop up, leading to disappointment and confusion. You start blaming each other for the lack of effort you put into the relationship. So it’s better to end the relationship when you are not feeling good about it. Convey this to your boyfriend and end the relationship mutually.