Everyone makes mistakes, but when you do it in a relationship, especially a long-distance relationship, things can quickly escalate out of proportion. It's only logical because communication is hard enough when you're together. That's why long-distance couples need to put in that extra effort to make sure that their relationship is transparent, healthy, and, above all, honest.
We spoke to several relationship experts and identified the most common pitfalls in long-distance relationships, and if you dig a little deeper, you'll see that many of them apply to GCRs or geographically close relationships as well. Some even apply to familial relationships. In the end, the bulk of these common mistakes has to do with plain, simple common sense.
Not discussing unsolved issues: It’s challenging to be in a long-distance relationship. To have a successful understanding relationship, both partners must put in a lot of work. Unresolved conflicts are the most common problem in long-distance partnerships. This may be due to a lack of time or communication, and you may believe that will resolve on its own. Because you don’t see each other very often, both partners in a relationship must listen to each other and have clear and regular interactions. If you and your partner have an unresolved issue, attempt to resolve it as soon as possible. Don’t ignore the problem and hope that it will go away on its own. If you leave things unaddressed, your relationship will eventually deteriorate. When these concerns arise, talk about them immediately and sort them out to keep your relationship strong.
Lack of communication: In a long-distance relationship, communication is extremely vital. Your relationship suffers when there is a lack of communication. Long-distance relationships are more prone to communication breakdowns mainly because of different time zones. You do not try to change your mode of communication. You’re both too preoccupied with your jobs and other obligations to talk and spend time (virtually) with each other. This causes problems in relationships. Recognize that one of your responsibilities is to communicate effectively to make your relationship work and make it healthy and stress-free. Don’t forget to stay in touch with your friends and family. Send a text to your companion if you are unavailable. Do not wait till your partner could call. Communicate with your partner through different ways, such as video calls, through Skype, through text messages, etc.; You keep putting forth the effort. Maintaining a solid and healthy connection is crucial. So stay in touch with one another frequently and in different ways.
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Not being thoughtful enough: When a couple is in a long-distance relationship, they often take each other for granted. When you don’t give your relationship enough importance, it can become boring. When you’re both in love, you need to work hard to improve your relationship. Make an effort to be considerate to one another. Demonstrate your concern. Send gifts, letters, or postcards, as well as care packages, to each other. When these small gestures are missing from a relationship, it loses its luster.
Too much yearning: Yearning for each other is typical in long-distance relationships if you don’t get to see each other very often. You become worked up, stressed out, and wonder why you entered into this long-distance relationship in the first place. You start blaming yourself, which leads to depression. It harms the quality of your relationship, which begins to deteriorate. Consider the positive aspects of this connection and consider it from a different perspective. Hobbies and social gatherings can help to keep your mind engaged. Look forward to having a great time with your partner when you see each other again.
Not trusting your partner enough: Being in a long-distance relationship comes with its own set of concerns. This is a prevalent issue in relationships. When you’re apart, it’s difficult to know what your partner is up to. He or she is spending more time with his or her friends, as seen by his or her social media posts. Jealously takes hold of you, and you begin to doubt your partner, even though he or she claims they are simply friends. In a relationship, trust is vital.
Not giving enough space to your partner: This is more important in a long-distance relationship than a normal one. Don’t continue to pick on your partner. Your partner lives oceans apart, and the different time zones make it difficult to communicate effectively and regularly. Don’t let that bother you. Learn to be patient. Give enough space to your partner. Do not be a nag. Your relationship will suffer because of your nagging.
Not giving your partner enough time: This is one of the mistakes that couples make in a long-distance relationship. It’s insensitive to your partner if you don’t give him or her adequate time to answer your calls or texts. They may be preoccupied with work or other essential matters, particularly if he or she is in a different time zone and so unable to adhere to the schedule that you both have laid out. Be patient. He or she will contact you.
Not putting enough effort into your relationship: It takes a lot of effort to maintain a long-distance relationship. It’s frustrating to be apart for an extended amount of time, and you long to see each other again. It would be difficult to maintain your relationship if your partner does not put in enough effort to strengthen your bond. Learn about your partner’s anxiety and fears and any other difficulties he or she may be facing. Try to help out while you’re away if you can. If one of you is experiencing emotional distress, lend a helping hand to the other. Make a call to your partner to reassure him or her that you will be there for them. Send him or her gifts or letters. These small acts of kindness will make him feel special and loved.
Not investing equally financially: There should be a strategy in place when two people fall in love and desire to build a caring and loving relationship against all odds. The financial plan is one of them. Both of you have resolved to save or invest equally for your future. It becomes challenging when one partner spends more than he or she should and the other partner has no control due to the distance. This leads to pointless fights and arguments. You should both be aware of your partner’s financial requirements. As a result, you both must invest equally financially as decided. Do not stray away from the plan that has been laid out.
Not having a mutually agreed-upon goal: Relationships don’t survive for a variety of reasons, especially when they’re long-distance. When you and your long-distance partner don’t have a common goal and one of you isn’t interested in working towards it, it’s difficult for both of you to move forward. You’ll be going in many directions. Having common goals will motivate you both to work hard, and your relationship will be happier as a result. You can talk about goals that you both want to reach and figure out how to get there. It would either be a single huge objective or a series of smaller ones leading up to the big one. While you’re apart, working together strengthens your bond and keeps you both connected.
Taking your partner for granted: When you’re in a long-distance relationship and you don’t meet each other and your communication is limited, you take your spouse for granted. You don’t put out any effort to maintain contact with your partner. You no longer send gifts or letters as you formerly did. When it becomes a once sided effort on your partner’s behalf, your relationship will become bland and lifeless. Make sure you communicate with your partner regularly. You make an effort to call him or her even if he or she is busy. Don’t assume your partner will understand that it’s fine if you don’t call frequently. Send him or her a message or text apologizing for not calling and promising to call as soon as you’ve completed your obligations.
Playing the blame game: Long-distance relationships need a lot of effort from both partners to keep the connection going. It is feasible with the combined efforts of both partners. The blame game is the primary source of misunderstanding and conflict in most relationships. The majority of your problems are attributed to your partner. When things don’t go your way, you point the finger at your partner. Your relationship will become dull and lifeless if this becomes a habit. Despite being in love, you will both be disappointed and hurt. To avoid all of this, you should first analyze the circumstance before speaking. Talk about what’s bothering you both. Improve your communication and open up. Your partner will appreciate your honesty.
Allowing external influences into your relationship: Allowing outsiders to influence your relationship is a recipe for disaster. When you’re in a long-distance relationship, the people surrounding you might have an impact. It may a member of your family, a close friend, or even a well-wisher. In your relationship, family plays an important role. They can help in strengthening your relationship or aid in breaking up with your partner, especially if your parents are attempting to convince you that a long-distance relationship doesn’t work. Family can be the cause of a split, whether intentionally or unintentionally. Most of the time their counsel and viewpoints will confuse you. Keep your family out of your relationship if you start to feel uncomfortable or unhappy with them. Friends might also have an impact on your relationship. Allowing them to intrude in your relationship, often out of envy, might cause a wedge between you and your partner. When you start doubting everything about your partner you’re unwilling to introduce your partner to your family and friends and are always enraged at your partner, you’re allowing external influence into your relationship. As a result, when people ask you about your long-distance relationship, you should think about it carefully. You and your partner know how much you love and care for each other and how much you trust each other to make your relationship work. Outside influences should be kept out of your relationship.
Being clingy or possessive: Being clingy or possessive can ruin your relationship. Don’t get worked up if your partner doesn’t call you or return your call. He needs his space. Give boundaries to each other. Both of you have your own lives to live. Keep yourself occupied.
Lying to your partner: This is another mistake couples make in their relationship. When you do not like your partner to go with friends and he or she assures you that they won’t and then he or she goes with his or her group of friends or something you don’t like and he or she does it, you get upset and suspicious. Don’t lie to your partner. Be honest and open.
Cheating on your partner: Cheating on your partner might turn out disastrous to your relationship. Even if you apologize and return, it will not be the same. Because you’re in a long-distance relationship and your partner trusts you and won’t know about it, you can’t have a casual relationship with someone or one-night stands. Don’t give in to your friends who support that. You’ve made a promise to your partner and have planned a future together. Maintain your partner’s trust in you by not betraying it.
Not discussing the future together: When you haven’t planned for the future, the uncertainty of your long-distance relationship is obvious. It will be a casual relationship with no long-term commitments. How long do you think your relationship will last? It’s a significant question. You must have a goal in mind, a future to look forward to, and work towards it. Because a long-distance relationship takes a lot of effort and time to build, you won’t be able to remain in this relationship if one person isn’t interested in a commitment.
Feeling too tired or lazy to talk: Long-distance relationships are built on communication. You lose interest in calling and keeping in touch because of the long-distance and the fact that you don’t get to see your partner very often. You both have your responsibilities and are occupied with your work. Your relationship can get dull if you don’t communicate with each other. Despite your busy schedules, make time for each other.
Making the relationship all about you: Always keep in mind that a relationship involves two people. It isn’t all about you. Don’t go on and on about yourself, your job, your family, and everything else that’s going on in your life. This will irritate your partner, making him or her feel ignored and uncared. This mistake will result in a long-distance relationship that is monotonous and dull. Allow time for your partner and pay attention to what he or she has to say. Understand their emotions. It’s always teamwork that works in a long-distance relationship. A little thoughtfulness and consideration will prevent unwanted glitches in a relationship.
Not having intimate conversations or date nights: In a relationship, intimacy is very crucial. Your bond will be stronger if you live close to each other. It’s tough to stay physically near when you’re in a long-distance relationship. One of the things that connect your relationship is physical intimacy. The relationship suffers if partners do not have intimate chats or date nights. Schedule dating nights regularly. Make an effort to flirt with your partner. Discuss your physical demands as well as what arouses you. Be forthright and truthful. These actions will help you stay connected as a couple.
Being unsure of your relationship: This uncertainty in a long-distance relationship will make it difficult for you and your partner to maintain your bond. When external factors are at work in your relationship, uncertainties and misunderstandings arise. You have no idea what your relationship’s future holds. Stop paying attention to others. You and your partner are aware of your level of connection and nothing can threaten your relationship.
Not discussing finances when planning trips: When you don’t manage your finances efficiently in a relationship, it leads to arguments and misunderstandings, especially if you’re in a long-distance relationship. It is important that you split finances equally when you plan to visit each other, arrange a vacation together, or meet halfway. It’s important to be aware of each other’s financial status. This will assist you in making appropriate plans.
Failure to stick to agreed-upon plans: Long-distance couples must always have a plan and schedule in place. Schedule phone calls, date nights, to have virtual tours, virtual celebrations, to participate in each other’s family gatherings, for example. You both should follow and work according to the scheduled plan. Your partner will feel like he or she is in a static relationship if your disregard and avoid these plans. Relationships break down as a result of this. Make sure you stick to what the two of you have agreed on. If you are unable to do so, inform your partner and provide reasonable justifications. It's date night, and you are stuck at work and won’t be able to get home until the appointed time. Send a text to your partner explaining the circumstances, and fix another date.
Growing apart: This is a common mistake made by most couples in long-distance couples. Your relationship suffers when both partners are too busy with their jobs, family commitments, and other activities to devote time to each other. You don’t feel close to or yearn for your partner because of the distance. You take your relationship for granted. You have the impression that your relationship is deteriorating. It’s time to discuss your options with your partner and set priorities. Make sure that you improve your communication with each other. Assure each other that the separation is only temporary and that you will eventually settle down together.
Stonewalling: Stonewalling is when one person refuses to communicate with the other. It’s merely a way of shutting off any objections. This occurs in relationships, particularly long-distance ones. This can be extremely painful and frustrating. When one person goes silent for days, weeks, or months and you don’t hear from them, it’s time to take a look back at your relationship. Find out why your partner is stonewalling by communicating with him or her. Listen to what he or she has to say and attempt to see things from their perspective. When they open up, try to think of ways to strengthen your communication. Tell him or her that you’ve been hurt and that this isn’t how you should treat someone you care about. Assure him or her of your love and support, and encourage your partner to freely discuss issues rather than remaining silent.
Neglecting other important relationships: If you are devoting all of your free time to your long-distance partner while neglecting your other relationships, it's time to reconsider. You must get along well with your family and friends that are with you. Make an effort to spend time with them. Spend more time with your friends and loved ones. Make sure these connections are significant as well and stay in touch with them.
Pretending that everything is ok when it's not: This is another common mistake that partners make in a long-distance relationship. They do not share the things that are bothering them and expect their partners to comprehend them. Your partner may not be physically present to listen to you and hug you, but he or she is always listening to your problems. Share your concerns with them, and your partner will most likely be able to assist you.
The little things: When you are in a long-distance relationship, you are constantly thinking of ways to make your partner happy. You want to give your partner the finest of everything. You overlook the small details that are crucial to strengthen your relationship. A simple text saying “I love you”, “I miss you”, or “wish you were here” can mean a lot more to your partner than grand gestures. Send him or her favorite snack that isn’t available in his or her neighborhood. Your thoughtfulness will be appreciated.
Trying to control your partner: This has an impact on your relationship, and your partner will not feel loved as a result. Don’t try to dictate what your partner should wear, where he or she should go, what he or she should eat, what music he or she should listen to when he or she should spend time with his or her family, who he or she should meet, and so on. Allow your partner to do whatever he or she wants. Your partner is a unique individual with his or her desires and activities.
Too much jealousy: If you lose faith in your partner, jealousy will sneak into your relationship. It has an impact on your relationship. It’s fine to have a little jealousy now and then, but when it starts to impact your relationship, you need to stop. Trust is the foundation of a long-distance relationship. When the trust is broken, you’re on your way to a rocky relationship. Don’t be paranoid about your partner. Checking his or her social media posts and questioning them as to who they are with. When your partner swears it’s simply a pal and nothing more believe him or her.
Losing your sense of individuality: When people are in a relationship, they often lose their identity. They are unconcerned with their personal life. When you’re in a long-distance relationship, you’ll find yourself thinking about your partner all the time. You may lose friends as a result of your inability to be available when they need you. Being in love doesn’t imply you have to think about your partner all the time or wait for a call or text from him or her. You are wasting your precious time by disregarding your friends and family, as well as other important commitments, and more importantly, you’re losing your identity in the process. You’ve got a life to lead. Live it to the utmost extent possible. Spend time with your friends and family. If you miss seeing your partner, include him or her (virtually) if necessary. You can improve and enrich your relationship with your partner as well as your connection with friends and family.
Keeping your partner out of the relationship: When a decision is made in a relationship, some couples do not include their partner in the process. As a result, the partner is kept out of the decisions and, as a result, out of the relationship. You should not decide on your own and then inform your partner. You will lose your partner’s confidence and faith in you if you do this. When you and your partner have decided on joint goals, it’s critical to include your partner in the decision-making process. Both of you must talk it out and come to a common decision about all of your couple’s activities or ambitions. Take each other’s opinions, advice, and thoughts into consideration, for example, if you’re both organizing a vacation. Decide where you want to go, where you want to stay, how much money you want to spend, and how long you want to stay together.
Only discussing the most important issues: When you’re in a long-distance relationship, you talk about the key problems more frequently. The minor details, on the other hand, are overlooked. All long-distance relationships require excellent communication. You must talk about the significant issues that you and your partner need to address to keep your relationship healthy ad smooth. However, the small details play a crucial role in binding your relationship together. For example, asking your partner about his or her day at work, his or her new boss, his or her new neighbor, the new restaurant that opened up near the workplace, the sprain in his or her leg, funny anecdotes, and so on. Your relationship will be healthier if you talk and share about these issues. You can have a stress-free relationship by joking with each other, calling each other names (in a loving way), and laughing together.
Relationship comparisons: This is another blunder made by couples in long-distance relationships. Never make comparisons between your relationship and that of another couple. You never know what they are going through while putting up a brave front and portraying a cheerful image in public. Every individual is unique, and every relationship has its set of problems. Try to work it out among yourselves rather than look at other couples and say “how happy they are in their relationship”. You, too, can make your relationship happier by improving communication, resolving issues that arise from time to time without delay, and putting out a lot of effort to keep your relationship healthy and strong.
Not accepting mistakes: No one is without flaws. Everyone makes mistakes from time to time. When one of the partners in a relationship makes a mistake, you should be ready to apologize and go on with your relationship. When you refuse to accept responsibility for your error and continue to argue, your relationship will deteriorate. You play the blame game, blaming your partner for making the mistake. You don’t honor the boundaries you’ve set in your relationship. Being humble and accepting responsibility for your mistakes is a noble act. Simply apologizing for the mistake will cause your partner to forget about it and move on. Give-ins are a big part of relationships.
Letting your partner rule your life: In a relationship, everyone requires his personal space. When you are in a long-distance relationship, you have to give your partner space. You’re two different people with different tasks to do. Do not compel your partner to communicate with you regularly, whether through phone conversations or messages. Though maintaining constant contact is beneficial to a long-distance relationship, it can get tedious and monotonous over time. You need to spend quality time with each other, even if it is only for a short period. Give your partner time to spend with his or her family and friends. Apart from being in a long-distance relationship, they have their responsibilities. Pursue your interests, join a sport, stay in shape, and socialize with friends over a meal. These extra hobbies outside of your relationship will assist your partner in remaining stress-free and happy.
Infrequent visits: This is another mistake made by long-distance couples. They are oblivious to the fact that they have a relationship. They don’t comprehend that maintaining a relationship takes a lot of effort from both people. Make it a point to visit each other when the partners have put out a schedule or goals for their relationship, one of which is to visit each other. When you don’t see each other frequently as you’d like, the part in your relationship begins to fade away. There could be a variety of reasons for this, such as work obligations, a family member who is ill and you must care for them, or you were unable to obtain a ticket to travel, among others. It is very important to visit each other to reestablish the physical connection that is sometimes lost in a long-distance relationship. As a result, make it a priority to see each other regularly. Don’t skimp on this crucial tool to keep your relationship together.
Lack of appreciation: Everyone wants to be liked, valued, and most importantly, appreciated. You long for your partner’s appreciation if you’re in a long-distance relationship. When one or both partners fail to appreciate each other, the relationship is doomed. Because of work pressure, stress, or other obligations, partners may fail to appreciate each other. You and your partner will live a happier and healthier life if you appreciate each other for the things you both do, the time you both spend together, the gifts you both send, and most importantly, for the person you both are. Recognize what your partner has done for you. In the same way, reciprocate. Let them know how much you appreciate them, either verbally or in writing.
Not remembering special days: It is important in a relationship to remember major days such as birthdays, graduations, family anniversaries, and so on; failing to do so will lead to confusion and unhappiness in your relationship. It is more crucial in a long-distance relationship. When you take your relationship for granted and fail to remember your partner’s special days, it gives an impression that you are not interested in this relationship. It is important to celebrate the special days in your partner’s life. You can do it virtually or organize a surprise visit to your partner’s home. You can give gifts, place an order for his or her favorite meal, and also set up activities. Spend long periods conversing with each other (if time permits) and planning a dinner date on his or her birthday. These actions on your part will make him or her feel cared for, happy, and loved.
Being insensitive towards each other: In a relationship, especially a long-distance one, being insensitive towards each other and not sharing your feelings is the worst thing to do. It is more difficult to deal with this behavior when you are oceans apart. It will damage your relationship and getting back to normal will be difficult. Take into account each other’s emotions and circumstances. Your long-distance partner could be dealing with a variety of challenges. It could be work-related or family-related, or something else entirely. It hurts him or her when you are oblivious to all of his or her problems and turns a blind eye or a deaf ear, especially when you both are in love.
Not being patient: This is another disadvantage that couples face in a long-distance relationship. You are madly in love with each other, and if you are not patient, your relationship will suffer. Patience plays an important role when you don’t see or meet each other often in a long-distance relationship. Everyone is on the same page. Allow enough time for your partner to recover from whatever ails him or her. Patiently listen to him or her. Be patient if he or she is unable to call or respond to your calls. When you give in to each other, you will create a beautiful and profound relationship that will last a lifetime.
Not being committed to your relationship: A casual relationship occurs when a couple is not committed to each other. Your relationship will suffer if you are not dedicated to each other. You have been friends since childhood and are now in love. Your partner had to relocate to pursue his dream job. You both want to keep your long-distance relationship going. Make plans and set goals, such as how long you’ll work and when to settle down, how often you’ll meet, and so on. Work together to make these plans a reality. Be open and honest, and don’t be afraid to share your thoughts and ideas. Be loyal and truthful to one another. Your relationship will be strengthened as a result of this.
Confronting each other: This is another flaw in a long-distance relationship. Confronting each other about various topics will only result in bitter arguments, and your relationship will eventually fall apart. Avoid conflicts and converse quietly with each other, assuring him or her of your continued support. Do not accuse each other by pointing your finger at each other. An unpleasant exchange of words follows a confrontation. To avoid hurting your partner’s feelings, choose your words carefully. This does not help your relationship grow. Understand that you are in a committed relationship.
Not trying: Love, care, and understanding are essential in long-distance relationships. To keep your relationship going, you’ll have to put in a lot of effort. Your relationship suffers when you stop trying. This rule applies to both partners. Don’t put all of the pressure on one partner to make your relationship work. It’s a collaborative effort. Continue to make an effort to make your relationship work. Always make an effort to call your partner and spend time with him or her. Make an effort to make your partner happy. You can call them during the day to let them know you’re thinking of them, or you can send an “I miss you” or “I love you” message. This will help you both have a better relationship by enhancing the quality of your relationship.
We sincerely hope you can identify and rectify some of the mistakes you've made in your own long-distance relationship. After all, failure is never the end as long as you keep trying.
