There's little doubt that long-distance relationships get a bad rap as it is. What makes it worse is that most couples aren't even prepared to handle an LDR, and many others don't realize that they need to play by a whole new set of rules in this game. Make no mistake: an LDR is hard to manage, but there are several pitfalls you can avoid that will give your relationship a better chance of coming through on the other side relatively unscathed.
In this article, we outline some of the biggest mistakes you can make if you're in a long-distance relationship with someone. This includes everything from getting cold feet to throwing in the towel altogether. In start contrast, staying strong and understanding what works and what doesn't will be tremendously beneficial, and that's what this is all about. Here are several things you should avoid doing...or, if it happens anyway, how not to make it worse.
1. Losing confidence or losing faith in your relationship because of what others say
People are fond of claiming that long-distance relationships are impossible to maintain. They each have their own set of stones to hurl at your partnership. This is not something you should take to heart. Just because something didn't work for them doesn't rule out the possibility that it will work for you. But we understand how it feels when all of the negativity gets to you, and you begin to doubt your relationship with your significant other. You may take your frustrations out on your partner, resulting in unnecessarily heated exchanges. Protect yourself and your partner by ignoring those who are critical of your relationship.
2. Breathing down your partner's neck
Whether geographically separated or not, every relationship necessitates that two individuals provide each other with sufficient room to grow. However, suppose you have been apart for an extended period; in that case, you may wish to be aware of everything your partner is doing - what he did over the weekend, who her shopping companions were, or what is for dinner tonight. While being in touch on a daily basis is a good idea, digging too deeply into your partner's routine or social life may turn them off the relationship. In other words, don't smother them with excessive curiosity or by wanting to know every single detail of every moment they're not with you.
4. Harping on the negative
You are not emotionally developed enough to be in a long-distance relationship if you are insecure about the people your partner meets while living away from you. As long as you keep harping on your partner about how awful it is for both of you and how the other couples seem to be doing so well, it is inevitable that they will become frustrated that you are so unhappy in your relationship. Take a look at the bright side of a long-distance relationship instead, and remember that a reunion after a period of separation will be all the sweeter.
5. Making infidelity allegations
As soon as the seeds of distrust are planted in your relationship, you can count on it being the beginning of the end. If you are wary about your partner's co-workers, friends, flatmates, and other social contacts, likely, you do not entirely trust your partner yourself. Even worse, if you accuse your partner of being unfaithful to you without providing any real evidence, it indicates that you have lost faith in your relationship, and every relationship – long-distance or not – is doomed to failure if the foundation stone of trust is missing.
6. Taking your mate for granted
While nagging your partner about his or her life away from you is a mistake, taking your sweetheart for granted is as harmful. While it is true that all relationships require nurturing to flourish, it is more critical to make that extra effort in a long-distance relationship. Be inventive in devising romantic ideas to revitalize your relationship, even if it is geographically separated (or especially because it is!)
7. Keeping your partner out of the relationship
You may find it simple to get into the habit of making decisions on your own when you and your partner are living apart. However, be cautious about including your partner in things in which you both have an interest. For example, the next time you can spend time together, inquire about your partner's thoughts on a Caribbean vacation. Alternatively, you should notify your partner before making any changes to a shared bank or credit card account.
8. Taking a wait-and-see attitude
Most of the time, couples who live apart from one another do not believe that their relationship can work, but they are also unwilling to let go of each other. If you continue to be on the fence, waiting to see how things will turn out, know that you are not in a true relationship and that you will get nowhere unless you climb down from that fence and pick a side.
9. Attributing time lost at work or school to your partner
You may be in different time zones, which would necessitate you to make certain sacrifices to communicate with each other effectively. Some people are only a couple of hours ahead or behind in their time zone. Others have to work for a whole 12 hours. Consider the possibility of waking up at 4 a.m. to capture your honey as soon as he returns home from work. Because of this, you may experience insomnia, difficulty functioning at work, or even arrive late for your scheduled duties.
There is always a way to reach a reasonable agreement. Make it clear to your significant other that your activities are essential to you. It is possible to leave movies and voice messages on each other's phones thanks to technological advancements. You have the option of texting. Compromise is preferable to simply putting up with the inconvenience and then blaming your significant other when things don't go as planned.
10. Assuming you share the same goals
Make it clear what you expect from the connection before you part ways or engage in a long-distance relationship with another person. Tell them you want to talk every day, twice a day, have a video conversation once a week, or whatever you want them to say. Please don't assume that you and I are on the same page on this.
Additionally, you must understand what your significant other is expecting from you. The opportunity arises for you to discuss how you might incorporate more conversational time into your everyday routine. Making things up as you go along will only lead to misunderstandings and unhappiness, so don't take any chances.
11. Reliance on a single medium of communication
Using only one mode of communication to communicate Because of the limitations of the internet and telephone service, snail mail isn't always the most feasible method of communication. In the event that your date isn't online, don't automatically assume that you've been ditched on your date. Call their cell phone and inquire as to whether or not everything is in order.
The fact that you are unable to physically visit your partner can leave you vulnerable to a great deal of paranoia, especially if the medium you have selected fails you on the other end. Just be patient and don't jump to conclusions about what's going on.
12. Being unreachable during an altercation
In a typical relationship, when partners argue, and one of them walks away, the other partner only has to sprint to catch up and begin stitching things back together again. However, in a long-distance relationship, once you've hung up, turned off your phone, and gone offline, what choices does your significant other have to continue communicating with you?
Your partner is more than just a voice contained within a device. On the other end of the phone line is a genuine person who is sincerely interested in seeing your relationship succeed. Shutting off your device will not make them go away, and in fact, it will simply help to exacerbate the situation further. It's the physical equivalent of you disappearing into thin air, and no one should ever have to go through something like that.
13. Having Doubts About the Legitimacy of the Relationship
People around you may indicate that your long-term relationship isn't as meaningful or "real" as it would be if your spouse lived in the same city as you. It is easy to let other people's ideas influence the way you view your relationship. Even though you live a long distance away from your partner, your relationship with them can be just as strong and genuine as any other couple's connection. If a relationship means sharing your emotions and feelings with one another, being dedicated to one another, and caring deeply for your partner wherever they are in the world, then a long-distance relationship is every bit as real as one in which you are together 24 hours a day.
14. Late-Night Efforts to Resolve Conflicts
The phrase "don't go to bed angry" has probably been repeated over and over again when elderly couples are asked for their best advice. While this saying may be useful in some instances, it is by no means a rule to live by, especially if you are in a long-distance relationship, as this proverb implies. Trying to address your anger late at night when you're weary is never a good idea. When your partner lives hundreds of miles away, this is especially true. You will find it a lot simpler to make up after a night with someone who you can physically touch and interact with than it will be with someone who you cannot touch or connect with in person. Rather than going into a further rage, spend some time to yourself After you've slept on your difficulties, talk about them the next day, and you'll discover that you have a much greater understanding of the issues at hand.
15. Attempting to Communicate All the Time
While it is certainly beneficial to be in touch with your partner during the week when you are in a long-distance relationship, it is possible to mistakenly overdo it, which can lead to complications. If the relationship is devoted and healthy, there should be no need to communicate on a daily basis. Even if you were in the same spot all the time, you wouldn't spend 24 hours a day together.The importance of space, both real and virtual, in any relationship cannot be overstated. When you aren't constantly messaging your partner, you can maintain your independence and appreciate the moments when you do get to communicate even more.
16. Not Making Plans for Fun Virtual Dates
With an in-person relationship, you have the opportunity to create many happy memories with your spouse by participating in activities such as attending the opening night showing of a movie, preparing dinner together, or playing board games till the early hours of the morning. We become closer to others when we spend time with them, and one of the best ways to achieve this is to engage in some form of activity with them. It is more difficult when you are apart, but watching movies, having meals together, or video conferencing while performing the same action can promote emotional intimacy between two people.
17. Making No Effort To Maintain Intimacy
Making time to communicate is crucial, but making time to have video sex and phone sex is just as important as making time to talk with someone. Due to the fact that intimacy will be severely missing if the couple is not in close proximity to one another, making time for a "date night" is essential for the health of the relationship. Despite the fact that you cannot physically touch, you can nevertheless establish a strong virtual connection. In the event that this is something that both you and your partner find embarrassing, you can consider starting with a text message and gradually progressing to more intimate ways such as phone and video call.
18. Only Discussing the Most Important Issues
When you're in a long-distance relationship, it's critical to keep the lines of communication open and communicate regularly. However, in addition to the frequency with which you communicate, the topics about which you converse with your partner might be significant in maintaining your relationship's strength. Despite the fact that you might feel that only the most important subjects or the most strong emotions should be discussed with them, even the smallest and seemingly insignificant details of your day are critical components of your interactions. Long-distance relationships require communication on both mundane events that occurred during the day and your emotional state. Both are equally crucial for maintaining a healthy long-distance relationship. Remember that if you lived with your spouse or saw them often in person, you would tell them about the odd hat you saw on the bus or the amusing joke your coworker told, not simply the parts of your day that were particularly stressful or exciting; do the same with your long-distance partner.
19. Playing the blame game
The majority of couples accept that blaming one another is a possibility in their relationship. Long-distance communication can be 1000 times more difficult than in-person communication. It becomes much easier to blame your partner because it is nearly impossible to discern the context of a text message. As a result, there is a strain in the relationship in terms of communication, which leads to difficulties.
Eventually, their communications conclude that "He doesn't do his share"; "She gets worked up over nothing"; "He isn't even trying"; or "She doesn't give a damn." Some people are adamant about not accepting their mistake and moving on, while others would prefer to fight back verbally or, in the worst-case situation, physically. You may avoid all of this by simply not criticising your partner and by keeping lines of communication open as much as possible.
20. Allowing envy and insecurity to take control
Some people believe that a small amount of envy can be beneficial to a relationship. It indicates emotional immaturity in the relationship, though, if you are continuously concerned about your partner's whereabouts and company, Insecurity is linked to jealousy, and it can cause a great deal of pain simply by sitting down depressed and obsessively thinking about your significant other. In addition, feelings of jealously and insecurity can lead to over-possessiveness and attempts to exert control over your partner's life, as well as the imposition of your ideas into their lives.
The majority of the time, it occurs due to persons having been hurt or disappointed in a past relationship, respectively. Failure to recognise the gravity of the situation could have serious consequences for your relationship. To put a stop to all of this agony, you must be honest with them, make them feel secure, and make every effort to convince them that whatever you are doing is nothing to be concerned about. To take things a step further, you may want to introduce them to your friends, even if it is on video.
21. Deprioritizing communication
For a good relationship to grow, there must be high levels of communication between the two people involved. Even though you do not have to Skype or call every day, you must attempt to communicate, or it will be a long, bumpy, and sandy road ahead of you. Communication does not have to be coerced or pushed. Many long-distance spouses attempt to compel communication every time they have a moment of downtime in their schedule. This is due to the everyday anxiety that failing to communicate may result in the relationship withering away.
No grown-up would appreciate having a gun pointed at their head as part of their "conversation"; in other words, forced communication is ineffective. Both of you are supposed to keep communication as informal as possible in order to resolve such a problem before it becomes too late. As an added plus, it is always beneficial to recognise that life can be hectic at times, and speaking as if you are in the same room does not incur any additional costs.